My favorite, almost, 15 year old and I were talking today about friends and what constitutes a friend. There are "church" friends, "school" friends, "going-out" friends, "talking on the phone" friends, "see every once in a while" friends, and there are your "confide everything and will always be there no matter what" friends. I'm sure, by definition, one of these is an acquaintance but does anyone even use that word any more? Kind of like the word "love". So over used it has lost its true significance.
For example, if you take the "facbeook" definition of friend, anyone that you invite to share in your daily ramblings is considered a "friend". I'm beginning to think that with facebook, texting, etc. the definition of "friend" has evolved into someone we can share whatever we want as long as we are concealed behind technology and emotion is removed from the equation.
My favorite, almost, fifteen year old asked me who my friends are. A valid question. She has been noticing a separation between herself and some of her friends. Different schools and interests are a few of the contributing factors. Part of growing up. People fade in and out of life. But who, then, is a true friend? Are their different levels of friends?
I will admit. According to many definitions of a friend, I am a terrible friend. I am not one that will call and chat on the phone. I don't spend a lot of time on facebook. I don't text. I don't call people up and arrange to meet them or spend time together. I don't send out many e-mails. I am terrible at sending cards, whether birthday or holday. I forget everyone' birthdays. I guess you would say I don't have any friends.
For me, the word "friend" is special. Let me give you an example of my favorite friends. These friends are my confidants. The ones I can share my joys and sorrows and I know the info, if confidential, isn't going any further than their individual brain cells. On the flip side, they are ones that can share with me and I don't feel like I have to share with them. I am never judged by what I say or feel. I am never judged for my mistakes. The relationship doesn't change because of lack of communication, distance of location, health, or other factors. These special friends are my family. My husband, my siblings, my parents. I love these friends.
What would I then call all those other wonderful people in my life that I talk to and spend occasional shared moments? That is a good question. By defnition, they are more than an acquaintance. I need a new word.
Emotion. I think that is what keeps me from labeling all as friends. Maybe that's it. I have "emotional" friends and "non-emotional" friends. No, that doesn't sound right. Yet, it does have a ring of truth to it. I guess a friend to me is someone who truly knows me and one I have allowed to truly know me. Hmmm. That is something to think about.
Well, however we all label all those people that are important to us, here is a big "thank you" to all of you. Even if I don't talk to you forever or forget birthdays, etc. I'm thankful for all those important people in my life that influence me in some way.
1 comment:
I tell my kids that friends come and go but you will always have your family.
You're right. A new term needs to be made for friends. And then "Friends".
I know! :D "Anne of Green Gables". A bosom friend. To her, this was a friend as you just described your family and loved ones. A kindred spirit would be a 'friend'.... the rest, aquaintances/neighbors, etc.
You, my dear, are my bosom friend. Take that how you will. :D
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